My New Normal
© 2015 Chantelle
Henderson
We’ve all had them. Times and moments when our
rose colored glasses were shattered by a phone call, a conversation, a new
lesson learned. Maybe it was the sudden loss of a loved one, or when
you thought that one person you didn’t think was capable of hurting or
betraying you did just that. Maybe it was an unfaithful spouse, a job loss, or a divorce. One thing is for sure. Life
will never be the same as it was. It’s the kind of news that renders you speechless
and it seems as if time stood still, you’re frozen in it, while everything and
everyone else kept moving. But not you.
Over the past few months, that’s been me. I am
not at liberty to go into detail right now with specifics but I’m hoping and
praying this post will help many understand they are not alone.
Approximately four or five months ago I received news, news
that wasn’t life-ending, but definitely life-changing. I knew in an
instant that life as I’d known it for 43 years was going to be different now
and there was absolutely, positively NOTHING I could do but pray about
it. Because it involved a person, I knew the only thing I could do
was love them…..unconditionally and without judgment. What I learned
that day challenged everything I thought to be true or believed on many levels;
mostly spiritually.
Worse than my sexual assault or molestation; worse than the
betrayal of a confidant I'd experienced or death of a loved one, this news drew me to my knees
and ever since that day I have been crying out to God to know His truth. Sure. I
know what I’ve been taught since I was 9. I know what I’d read in
the news and seen on TV, but the reality of it is in my home and I had some
decisions to make.
I had to go back to square one. In fact, let me
paint this picture for you. It usually takes me 3-4 weeks to read a book. This
situation not only drove me to my knees and to God’s word. It had me
so consumed that I wanted to KNOW. I had to KNOW the truth. Not what
I’ve been hearing all these years, but THE TRUTH from the Truth-giver. I
read 4 books in two weeks and watched over 4 hours of film documentaries. To
be honest with you, I had an information overload breakdown. You
know what that is, don’t you? It's like a computer that has too many programs going all at once and finally it crashes because it was just too much. I was reading and doing all this research and it was
different than what I’d been taught [in the church], some of it was strong
opinions I’d formed myself over the years, and what I’d experienced. One
thing is for sure, it knocked down my preconceived walls of how I thought I
would ever handle the situation. One day in the midst of all my
researching, praying, seeking God’s truth, reading, and watching, my husband Ry
called me on his lunch break and I just broke down crying……the ugly, sobbing,
wailing cry. Before he even asked what was wrong he wanted to know
if I wanted him to leave work. I told him no. By the time
I finally calmed down I was able to tell him how overwhelmed I was with all my
research through these books, documentaries, blogs, and articles. His
response?, “Chantelle. Stop it!” At first I was taken off
guard. What did he mean by stop it. Doesn’t he know I
have to have answers now because our lives can’t go back to the way it was and
we had to discover how we were supposed to live now that we’d received the
news. He continued on, “Seriously, I’ve been waiting for you to snap
over all this. Put the books and documentaries down. Stop
eating up all this information like a starving person who hasn’t eaten for
days.” Then he said something that changed the entire trajectory of
how I would view it from that day on. “God is not going to leave or
forsake you or this other person. You’ve been going and doing and
digging. Have you thought that maybe you just need to be still and
know that He is God and He knows EXACTLY what’s taking place?” I let
out a huge sigh of relief and exhaled all the confusion. I
relinquished control at that moment. The only frustrating thing
about it is that I was halfway through my fourth book and I wanted to finish it
so badly, but I promised the husband I would lay it all down for at least three
days.
I did learn one valuable lesson; everybody has an opinion
and you can clearly separate the ones based on love verses the ones based on
hatred, arrogance, and self-righteous individuals or institutions.
I wish I could say three turned into five and then a week
and then a month. But no…….On midnight of the 3rd full
day, I picked up my book and started digging into all my resources again. But
this time it was different. I was not as desperate. It
was night and day. What happened? The relief came
from a scripture, one of my top 10 for sure.
Matthew
22:36-39 {Holeman Christian Standard Bible}
“Teacher,
which command in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “Love
the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your
mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The
second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.
What? Why was He taking me to this
scripture? It became the launching pad for all my research. I
was looking at it from a selfish standpoint. How am I going to fix
this? Is it right? Is it wrong? Should I
encourage it? Should I, should I, should I? I was so
consumed with finding concrete answers that I forgot that if I simply looked at
it from the stand point of loving God and loving others, that my motives were
pure, and my heart was clean. I could just sit at His feet to gain strength,
wisdom, but most important for me, peace.
So while I know that one thing has happened in my life that
for sure makes it crystal clear that I can’t go back to what was, but need to
now focus on what lies ahead. You know what I’m about to share
now. I never go wrong in this scripture when I KNOW I don’t have all
the answers or all figured out.
Philippians 3:12-16 {The Message Bible}
I don’t have all the answers and for certain have not
arrived, but I’m striving and reaching out for Christ. God is slowly
but surely clearing the blurred lines that drove me to darn near insanity
trying to figure this thing out in the beginning.
This I do know; even after the news that brings the truth
that life as we knew it before the occurrence is over, we must still move
forward. Don’t get stuck and believe the lie that just because
something ended, the new beginning won’t bring even more joy, and purpose and
love.
So now I have a new normal. Although, I don’t
quite know if normal is the right word to use. Because right now I
still have so many questions and need so much wisdom that I’m beginning to see
it may take a while and that’s okay. That’s why I “cracked”
before. Because I thought I had to have all the answers NOW! Well,
I don’t. I’m just taking it one day at a time, with my Bible,
coffee, eyeglasses, hi-liters, and pens in hand.
I’m sure you’ll be hearing more from me on this is the near
future.
If you are going through something insurmountable or
earth-shattering right now that has shaken you to the core and punched you in
the gut making you well aware that there is now a clear line between, “that was
then”, and "because of that my life will never be the same”, be secure in the
knowledge that it’s going to take time; perhaps longer than you thought it
would (as is in my case). Just make your love for Him and your love
for your neighbor the foundation on which you build this new normal.
Just for extra measure, here’s one more scripture I am
clinging on to that is a bullhorn for change and perhaps how we can be
comforted by its words:
Isaiah
43:19 {English Standard Version}
Behold,
I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I
will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
He’s always doing a new thing in our lives. With
all seasons come change. With some change, it comes with the truth
that things as we knew before will never be the same again. Keep
going. Keep moving ahead. Don’t get paralyzed by
the change; be strengthened and encouraged by it. It may cause one
of your deepest levels of pain and desperation, but out of it will surely come
a much stronger, consistent, desperate seeking of His face and a hunger and
thirst for righteousness that can and will only be found in His word. This
does not dismiss educating yourself with the many resources you may need on
your journey in life as you know it after “it” occurred. Just be
careful not to be consumed with all of that, that you forget that your Faithful
Father and Mighty King will lead and guide you into all truth.
Okay, one more scripture that’s helped. This one
is because we want to be spared pain. We want our lives to remain in
neat little packages and schedules that cannot be interrupted. We
don’t desire change because that would mean things would have to be rearranged
and possibly uprooted altogether. While on this personal journey
myself right now, I remembered that there was a passage in scripture when the
enemy asked Jesus to sift Peter as wheat and from what I can read The Lord didn't say no. Rather,
what he did pray was that Peter’s faith would not fail and that after he
suffered the trial that he would turn back and strengthen others. Now
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m thinking, “Dude, Jesus, why don’t you
tell the enemy no on my behalf!!!!!!?!!!!!???” It’s because Peter’s
faith had to stand trial and be tested so PETER would know his level of faith
and having endured the testing of the enemy would be able to turn around and
encourage others in their faith.
I firmly believe that when we go through [especially] major
changes in our lives that our faith is being tested, not for God, but for us;
so that we will know that we can stand face-to-face, toe-to-toe with the devil
and just by saying the name, “Jesus” we will have defeated the enemy. It
is then our job to encourage and strengthen others.
Luke
31-32 {English Standard Version}
“Simon,
Simon, behold,Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, but I
have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned
again, strengthen your brothers.
Summing it up. Love God. Love others.
Be still and know that He is God. Be wise with what you allow into
your ear gates and eye gates and know that none of it took Him by
surprise. He knew what was going to happen and just like seasons,
when Winter 2015 ceased to exist, Spring 2015 entered. There was an
end to one and a beginning to another. You can’t go back to winter,
but you get to discover all the new and beautiful things about Spring.
Hope this blesses even one person. You know
me. If it’s in me, I gotta get it out. I don’t write
music or sing, so I write. It may not be with eloquence of speech, fancy
words, or proper grammar, but at least I got it out.
Love Endlessly,
