Counting OnGrace

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Where Did She Go? - Nine Years Later

Where Did She Go?
©2009, Chantelle Henderson

Note:  I wrote this blog in 2009, not realizing the full impact of my story that will be shared in whole soon.  The was written long before the “Me Too” movement. As you can see, it was written 9 years ago.  Its words and raw truth have echoed throughout many years as you will read.  I’m tapping into the heart and soul of the girl in this post where I gather strength and the desire to share my “Me Too”.  My prayer is that whoever is reading this will find their own voice, share their own story, and will gain insight no matter how great or small.  This post is being re-shared for the army of other sister survivor warriors.  I promise you…..Time’s Up. ~ Chantelle

You know ….the girl who always had a smile on her face & pigtails that were perfectly braided, and daintily decorated with bows of pink satin.

The girl that couldn't wait to meet new friends to play mother may I, kick the can, and red light green light with them until sundown. 

The pre-teen who would dance on stage in recitals knowing that she made her parents so proud because she could see the light in their eye.

The girl who loved children so much that she gave up every weekend to teach them something new, read them a book, or watch the latest Disney movie with them.

The teenager who loved to go to church every time the doors were open. She couldn't wait to go to youth camp every year and come back with a heart set ablaze for her Heavenly Daddy.

The young lady who loved to sing solos in church and spent hours listening to Amy Grant and Sandi Patti.

The one with a heart of gold who would do anything for anyone, just because of her passion to see people come to know Jesus. She would tell them all about Him and how much He loved them. She was a friend to the friendless. She was a person known for having no fear and the patience of Job.


Bit by bit, her innocence faded behind the shadows of sexual abuse that started as a child and continued until her late teens. The smile quickly faded when she had her first sip of alcohol which eventually led to an addiction that she could no longer control. The dances she danced in too-toos as a little ballerina turned into dances that she'd perform on a different stage – one that men would pay her money for while she removed her clothes with a smile on her face while still invisibly dressed with shame.

The light in her parents' eyes seemed to fade when she got pregnant out of wedlock, got a DUI, and was always making unhealthy decisions about money and men. The childhood energy of playing with the neighborhood kids was quickly worn down by rejection and the betrayal of friends that were nothing more than Judas in disguise. The songs of praise she grew up singing to her Heavenly Father sounded like background music over songs of heartbreak – of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll, if you will. Her desire to be in Church is no longer even there because of her own mistake of putting spiritual leaders on a pedestal only to realize that they are human just like her and are in need of His grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness just like her.

She stands as a woman now, longing not to be a little girl again, but simply desiring for her childlike innocence to be restored. There is a redeemer who so longs to see her dance before Him – with Him. He longs for her to sing new songs from her heart - love songs. Heavenly Daddy wants her to know that He was always the one who knew her even before her mother and father ever thought of her coming into existence. He softly whispers that no matter who has hurt or abandoned, rejected, or neglected her - He will never leave her or forsake her. He's reminding her that her trust must not be in man (Proverbs 29:25 - "The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.") because the only One that will never fail her is Him.

When her anger demands some sort of revenge on the men that abused her, the Father says boldly that "Vengeance is Mine!" (Rom 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.) In the depths of her valley He continually leads her to rivers of living water that flow with grace and mercy abundantly. When shame tries to overtake her, He tells her that because of Christ, she is a new creation.” (2 Corinthians 5:17-Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!).

There is a wall that she continually tries to climb called trust, but the rope of past disappointments keep breaking her climb, and thus she falls. He walks by and picks her up yet again and encourages her by His Spirit to keep trying. He's placed those that He wants in her life. She'll eventually climb over the wall of trust with or without that rope of past let downs.

He says, "I will give you beauty for ashes." (Isaiah- 61:3 …to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor).

You see, she’s on a new stage now – it’s one that displays the glory and the goodness of a Father who loves her with an endless love. He says to her, “There's nothing that you've gone through or ever will that I don't know about. In the meantime, just remember that I have a future for you (Jeremiah 29:11 -For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ) You will not only make it through, you will help others through.

Don't be in a hurry for the healing. Understand that the process takes time. And when you are completely restored you will know and understand where she went. You will learn that she is the little girl who grew up to be a mighty, mighty woman of God in spite of the enemy's attempt to destroy her (Genesis 50:20- Don't you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now —life for many people). She will sing again and dance again. Because of Christ, she is not only a survivor, she is an over-comer.

No where. She's always been there, and always will be.